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Sometimes I wonder if the real reason why ____ are together is because of the fear of everything I wouldn't be connected to without ____.

- - -

There's soft light. Everywhere. The delicate touch of amber warmth surrounds me, caresses me, whispers gently attempting to quiet my thoughts. The television mutters in the background.
“You could be on your way over now,” I softly choke out.
“Yes,” he responded, emotionless.
We lived in a constant state of separation with no end in sight. There was no point anymore in telling him that I was crying, or that I felt sick with nerves, or that for fucks sake I need a cigarette to replace you. What is the point in endlessly repeating the obvious? None. So I did not tell him that tears were sliding down my cheeks, and he did not tell me to order my tears to a stop, for what was the point?
“I'm sad,” was all I could say.
“Me too.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, honey.”
That was that. I turned to lay on my left side, and propped the cellphone on my right ear. The quilt on my bed felt scratchy against my wet cheek. I had already spent too much time feeling sad. I curved my body and held out my arms as if I was hugging the still air, reaching out to him over miles, and maybe perhaps he was doing the same, laying in bed with his arms stretched out to hold me.

:D

So, I met a French exchange student tonight who is studying here for the year, and after only talking for a minute or so, she told me, "Wow, you speak French very, very well! You hardly have any accent!"

:D

It absolutely made my night!! I feel so happy!!

Hmm..

I don't enjoy school. One of my roommates disgusts me. I have loved, for the most part, being home this past month, and now more than ever it is so difficult to leave. I have myself really worked up about going back to school.

I would love to just graduate already, and then get a job (well, that's my plan, who knows what the economy has in store). To have a non minimum wage job will be such a blessing--work a certain schedule, come home and not have to worry about school/homework/reading/papers/exams. To be able to live on my own. Move on with my life.

Now I get to go back to the drudgery that is my school. I am very thankful to be pursuing a college education, don't get me wrong. But I am very burned out. Normally I have at least a once a week visit to look forward to from Matt, but now that's taken away from me too :(

I've been complaining a lot. Deal with it. Count down to summer, and the end of this god forsaken weather.